So my mom called me during class. I called her back after class to chat with her. She asked me about my recent doctor's visit, where I had discovered that I have high blood pressure (130/85)and need to go on a low-sodium diet, which means no more microwave dinners, and slightly higher expenses on food. I've also gotten a prescription for non-NSAID painkillers that won't destroy my liver and kidneys, but that my insurance won't cover, so it's an out-of-pocket cost. And I need to replace my ink cartridges so I can print papers for my classes.

She promptly starts to yell at me for having too many "wants" and not knowing what I actually NEED. Um, I'm sorry, but painkillers that WON'T kill me by the time I'm 50, low-sodium foods that will help me lower my blood pressure so I'm not dead by the time I'm 30, and ink for my printer so that I don't fail my classes all falls into the NEED category in pretty much any book I've seen.

And then she starts yelling at me for wanting to add foglights and a new belt to my car so that it'll stop squealing and charge the alternator properly and so that I can drive during the fog that covers my area of the state pretty much constantly during this time of year. But no, I don't NEED either of those, either. I just WANT them, they won't actually DO anything for me.

Then the issue of the fact that I bought a $20 adjustable stainless steel cane instead of a cheap non-adjustable $10 one for my knee that I screwed up when I hit it in the shower the other day. Apparently, having one that works properly and might actually LAST is less important than saving money.

And finally, she attacked my papercrafting. Which I do to save money while still getting the props and costume parts that I want, since I know they can't afford to support full-blown castings of helmets and armor and such. Apparently, it doesn't matter that I'm saving 90% of what I'd be spending if I just bought the damn helmet, I'm still spending WAY too much on it.

This isn't counting the multiple times she's basically told me that she doesn't give a damn about what school I go to or if I go to school at all as long as I don't keep costing HER money. I'm currently using my own inheritance to pay for my classes because she figures "it's my money either way, so when I don't get an A in the class it won't matter". I was hoping to be able to use the money in my inheritance from my grandparents to take a trip to see some of my friends who live all over the country and to go to where my grandmother is buried and my grandfather will be. Nah, looks like I get to spend it on teachers who can't teach the damn subject and then test us on information that they never gave us instead, and if I HAPPEN to pass the course, I MIGHT get it back... if she decides not to automatically apply it towards the loan they gave me for D*Con after three different sources of funding backed out.... two of those three being them promising me they'd help me get there as a gift, because they know how big of a deal it is for me.

Why the hell do I even bother? I'm a failure for her no matter what because I'm costing her her precious fucking money, while my brother who stays at home, doesn't have any goals beyond get good at music and play guitar and sing in the worship band down the street from their house, is apparently a MUCH better child than I am, because he doesn't cost them as much.

I call my dad to talk to him about it, since he's usually much more rational and level-headed... and he told me, very insincerely, that he's sorry, and shrugged. As in "Quit whining, I'm not gonna do anything".

I can sell my helmet right now, make $400 easy, buy myself a job somewhere, and get the car transferred into my own name so that as soon as I have enough to move across the country, I can get as far away as I need to from them and don't have to rely on them for anything. When I'm only using my own money, they'd probably actually start to focus on the whole "I'm their damn son" thing and less on the whole "I'm costing them money" part.